Dead Man’s Harem. Since I can’t kill myself I’ll find other ways to be happy Vol 00 Chp 86

Idle Chatter on the Battlefield

“Lady Ann is doing fine, but if I remember correctly you two had some student-teacher disagreements during your last private lesson with her,” the commander of Petunia’s earl’s army said. “Although now is not the time for gossip and casual conversation, we’re in the midst of a battle here!”

“Ohoho~” the Madame chuckled. “Yes, the last time we met we certainly had some disagreements. You see, I don’t teach ungrateful students. And her father begged for me to continue teaching her after I decided to leave, too~”

A howler monkey broke from the rest of the battle and ran towards the madame and commander. The commander raised his sword, ready to meet the monkey with steel in hand, as Devon also drew his moonlight steel sword. But with a fast conjuration, Madame Elisa sent a searing fireball towards the monkey and blasted it in the chest, completely charring its torso and incapacitating it in one blow.

“So this is the power of the Black Witch of Malon…” the commander said in a low voice.

Madame Elisa pouted and gently nudged the commander’s leg with her high heel in a vaguely threatening gesture. “Noo, don’t call me that~ It makes me sound so mean~”

Devon decided that he was going to pay more attention to this busty sorceress madame’s sorcery lessons. Her destructive power was off the charts, and she made it look effortless too, using the least amount of mana possible for the maximum amount of magical destruction.


A soldier missing his left arm from the elbow up walked up to the commander, his right hand grabbing his bloody stump as specks of dirt and dried tears dotted his face. “We need to pull back, our casualties are mounting up!”

The commander walked up to the wounded soldier and rapped him on the helmet with his knuckle. “Listen here, boy. If we start retreating, that means that half of the howler monkeys are going to focus our army specifically. Retreat is not an option right now. We need to diffuse the pressure that the howler monkeys between all four of the armies present– yes, even the Algorians.”

“I-I can’t keep fighting like this, commander,” the soldier repeated in a panicked voice. Devon couldn’t fault him for it either, since the better part of his left hand was completely torn off by a howler monkey.

“It’s alright, I can see you’re gravely wounded and I grant you a temporary discharge. Go rest by the tree over there, and get some help from the field medics that we brought along. Now go!”

“Yes, commander.”

As the soldier walked away with a limp stump at his side, Madame Elisa brushed back her long dark red hair and sighed.

“My, you’re quite the cold hearted one, aren’t you commander?”

“It’s work,” the commander replied tersely. “Can’t get too attached to the boys, since you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, what with all the demons running around these days and all these new crazy events like a howler monkey migration in the middle of the bloody summer.”

“Anyway, I came here to ask if you’d lend your strength to us. Screw those royals, we need the help more! You can see how my soldiers are suffering… Come to the backline with us, we’ll keep you and Devon safe.”

The commander did not seem to realize that Devon essentially flew across the battlefield via magic, and brought back the reason why they were fighting– the countess.

The madame shook her head somberly. “Sorry, I can’t. The safety of my students is of the highest priority right now, so I’ll be defending this carriage.”

“Student…s?” the commander said in a cryptic tone, glancing at the carriage. A hint of silver hair could be seen through the tiny gap between the carriage curtains. He gasped. “Countess Ilyana… but how?”

He breathed deeply, then looked back towards the madame with a renewed gaze. “I won’t ask too many questions, but I’d like to give you my thanks for saving the countess.”

“Her health and well being is now in your care, and your capable hands. She is safer in your hands than ours in this situation. For now, we will fight for our own survival, and then sound the retreat horns once this howler monkey situation resolves itself.”

“Yes, of course~ I wouldn’t ever let any harm befall my cute students~ ohoho~” the madame replied, covering her mouth with the back of her hand as she let out her signature laugh.

Devon could see where countess Ilyana picked up her ohoho~ laugh habit. If he took too many private lessons with madame Elisa, he was bound to pick up as well through sheer osmosis.


Thank you everyone for all the pledges!!! Will do a big shoutout later when I have the time!!

Also I am seeing you guys are enjoying the long lewd “painting” scene, hehe…

If you want a head start on the new scenes, please check out Otherwise, sit tight, elf scenes are coming soon ;D

Dead Man’s Harem. Since I can’t kill myself, I’ll find other ways to be happy

Dead Man’s Harem. Since I can’t kill myself, I’ll find other ways to be happy

Score 7.0
Status: Ongoing Type: Author: Artist: Released: 2019
After death, Devon is given the second chance he never wanted. He decides to make the most out of his new life, exploring all that life in this new world has to offer, whether that be adventuring or soliciting elf girl prostitutes.



not work with dark mode